i barfeds in our rink
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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