a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
