He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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