I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
