all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
