There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
