You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Randomize