i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
