Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
A+ Viking dick
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize
