Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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