i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
