Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
