You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
