Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Randomize
