He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
