I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
the day after is always just damage control
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
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