I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
