i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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