I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
