Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
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