sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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