If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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