i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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