oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Randomize
