I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
