I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Randomize
