Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize
