walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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