Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
