You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I want to be your penis for a week.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
jump out the window naked night went bad
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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