wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
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