i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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