yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize