Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
