New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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