I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
