I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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