She's JV to your varsity
I smell stomach acid.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
