Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
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