No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
