My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
my liver is dry heaving
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
