this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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