dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
