Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Randomize
