dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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