watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Randomize
