I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
