So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
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