I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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