i was rollin on her like bob the builder
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Randomize
