My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
