Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
