I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
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