the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
