I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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