96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
