Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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