I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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