Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
You pole danced in your parka.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize