I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I want her autograph on my taint
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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