FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Randomize
