wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
