life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
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