I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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