OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
organizing the empties. That sober.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Randomize
