New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
