You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
