what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
