My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
