i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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