she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize