wakey wakey hands off snakey
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
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